apologist // everything feels brighter cd

A CD released in May 2023, limited to 5 copies, by apologist, one of the founders of the experimental/noise label No Rent in Pennsylvania, USA.

Contains 11 ambient/ambient drone songs using field recordings, synths, and tapes.Digipak, shrink specification.

The following is a commentary by the writer himself.

"I recently told myself to believe in Heaven. At least, I believe it wasn't the last time I saw the dead. At least, on the subway platform, for the first half of my adult life." You imagine yourself watching the door close and believe it's going somewhere else, nowhere.

This year marks 10 years since I quit heroin.I am getting married this week.This year I lost 3 acquaintances.Each is an important aspect of my life, separated from me now by the lines I have made in my life and the lines of this world and the other world.

I wanted to write an album about what I felt in my mid-thirties, what I felt I had lost, and what I felt I had gained.But then they died and I realized that I was really writing an album about them, saying goodbye to them.

When I was living among the dead, I could never have imagined myself surviving so many years of addiction.But now, I find myself floating, albeit unstable at times, and looking to a bright, beautiful, and potentially long future.

It was recorded over the past year using tapes, synthesizers, computers, field recordings, samples from baseball games long ago, nuclear tests and septa rides.

"everything feels brighter" is me waving sadly at passing ships, me poking at the membrane between the present and the past, the big unseen moon hanging over the most gentle seas with clear eyes and hope. A loving farewell to my old and deceased friends, my promise to live and keep on living, a promise to meet them again someday in the afterlife. "

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Edition of 100.

Artist statement by rae, may 2023:

"i have recently talked into myself into believing in heaven- or at least- believing that the last time i saw the dead isn't the last time i'll see them- or at least- imagining myself on a subway platform watching the doors close on the first half of my adult life and believing that it's hurtling forward to somewhere else, and not to nowhere.

this year, i celebrated 10 years off of heroin. this week, i will get married. this year i lost 3 people, each critical facets of my life- divided from me now by the line i am creating in my life and the line between this world and the next.

i wanted to write an album about what it felt like to be in my mid thirties, what i felt i lost and what i felt i gained. then, these people died and i realized i was really writing an album about them, saying goodbye to them.

when i was living among my dead, i could never have imagined myself surviving so many years beyond my addiction. yet now i find myself afloat, if sometimes unsteadily- staring down a future that looks potentially bright and beautiful and maybe even long.

recorded over the last year using tape, synthesizer, computer, field recordings, samples of long passed baseball games, nuclear tests, septa rides.

“everything feels brighter” is me waving sadly at a passing ship, it is me poking at the membrane between my present and my past, it is me staring clear eyed and hopeful at the biggest moon i've ever seen hanging over the gentlest ocean , it is the fondest farewell to my old and departed friends, it is my promise to live and keep living. a promise that i will one day see them all again, on the other side."

Artist: apologist

Label: No Rent Records